From:
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/opinion/terminology-in-the-line-of-fire/story-e6frg71o-1225821347109EMERGENCY authorities across Australia have reacted swiftly to the heightened bushfire threat by announcing a tranche of new fire danger ratings.
In NSW, a "totally filtered disastrous" rating will immediately supersede the "catastrophic" rating that was introduced three months ago, and which itself superseded the previous "extreme" rating.
"We are confident the TBD rating will prevent the destruction of properties and, hopefully, save lives," NSW Rural Fire Brigade chief Lance Fitzpatrick said yesterday.
"By coming up with a scary new descriptor, we have guaranteed there will be no repeat of the disastrous fire seasons of years past."
Mr Fitzpatrick laughed off suggestions fires could be fought only with equipment and personnel, rather than new forms of wording.
But Victorian fire authorities were not to be outdone by the NSW initiative, quickly coming up with a new danger rating of their own.
The "absolutely frigging apocalyptic" fire rating supersedes "catastrophic" in Victoria, effective immediately.
"Those pikers in NSW won't know what hit them," Victorian bushfire supremo Laurie King told The Wry Side.
"There is no way a bushfire is going to cross the border into Victoria, now that we have our AFA rating."
Rural and regional Victorians heaved a huge sigh of relief at the development.
"This is fantastic news," Bendigo mayor Gary Bassett said.
"The people of western Victoria now know there can be no repeat of last year's Black Saturday disaster, because the state government has invented a new formula for rating bushfires."
Like Mr Fitzpatrick, Mr Bassett rejected suggestions a mere change in descriptors could not be expected to shield the community from a repeat of past disasters.
Asked what Victorians were supposed to do once warned the bushfire threat on a given day would be "absolutely frigging apocalyptic", Mr Bassett predicted they would "absolutely frigging run for their lives".
Meanwhile, South Australia is rumoured to be preparing a coup against its neighbouring states with an even scarier rating. It is understood the "we are all going to die - do you hear me? DIE!" rating will supersede "extreme" in South Australia, ending the bushfire threat in that state for all time.
